It may still be the dog days of summer, but if you are a divorced parent, you are probably already thinking about the kids going back to school. For some families, fall is when things get back to normal after a challenging summer schedule. But what if you are concerned that what has been “normal” may not be working for your family anymore? Here are a few ways to make sure your parenting plan is keeping pace with your kids.
Parenting Plan Tune Up
Even if you spent a lot of time crafting a parenting plan a few years ago, there is a good chance that it will need to be tweaked occasionally. The younger your kids were when you and their other parent first separated, the sooner this is likely to come up. Fortunately, parents who did spend a lot of time on their parenting plan are likely to be able to work together to make necessary changes. A thorough plan should also state that you will go to mediation if you are not able to reach an agreement about what changes are appropriate. If you find yourselves in gridlock, don’t wait until the start of school is imminent. Call your mediator, or choose a new mediator together if necessary, and schedule a session as soon as possible.
Parenting Tweaks and Tools
Sometimes parents are just concerned that things have gotten lax over the summer. Perhaps your co-parent has become sloppy with drop-off and pick-up times. Maybe they have taken liberties with their own vacation schedule, making changes at the last minute. For other parents, there are real roadblocks ahead that could prevent a formerly well-run plan from moving forward smoothly. Elementary schools may start later or earlier than middle school or high school. The school year might start and end at a different time. Vacation periods may differ as well. Sometimes this means that a parent may no longer be available for the same tasks. If you have to be at your desk at 8:30 a.m., for example, a school start time of 8:00 might have worked just fine, but a start time of 8:30 or 9:00 will not.
Cost-sharing can also look very different over time. You may have been fine with taking your kids shopping for back-to-school clothes when they were little. As they have grown and prices have ballooned, however, those backpacks, calculators and designer sneakers might now be unmanageably expensive. Or maybe it is less the prices than the time involved. Prehaps you have always done all the shopping, but now you have a more time-consuming job and need help.
A pretty universal issue is that as children grow, schedules get more complicated. Kids often change or increase extracurricular activities. High school kids might even want to get an after-school job. An online parenting calendar with an app like Our Family Wizard or Cozi can be a valuable tool to keep everyone on the same page. As long as your kids are old enough to read, they can use this too.
Serious Disagreements
More serious issues include disagreements about whether a child should attend public school or private school. Another common area of friction is the ability to pay for tuition or major expenses. If you are arguing about something serious like this, get help as soon as you find yourselves at an impasse. Mediation is a good first step and will generally be the most time and cost efficient way to solve problems. If you cannot reach an agreement out of court, you can file a petition in court. The expense of going to court, however, is generally justified only when large amounts of money are at stake or the differences between educational settings are extreme. Before taking this kind of step, consider getting expert help. Consulting a child development expert together may help you reach an agreement. Experts can alao attend mediation sessions if necessary.
Courts consider a child’s best interests when making educational decisions. They also evaluate each parent’s ability to pay. A judge will weigh the benefits of a more expensive option against the quality of less expensive alternatives. Important factors include the child’s prior educational setting and any special needs or special talents a child might have. A court may find that a private school is the best option or might decide that the child’s needs can be met by something like private tutoring or supplementary assistive technology. A court that finds that the parents, between them, have the ability to pay for the private school or supplemental assistance will usually order them to split expenses according to their respective incomes.
If you would like to discuss using mediation to create or modify your parenting plan, contact one of our trained mediators today.
Back to School: Is Your Parenting Plan Ready?
It may still be the dog days of summer, but if you are a divorced parent, you are probably already thinking about the kids going back to school. For some families, fall is when things get back to normal after a challenging summer schedule. But what if you are concerned that what has been “normal” may not be working for your family anymore? Here are a few ways to make sure your parenting plan is keeping pace with your kids.
Parenting Plan Tune Up
Even if you spent a lot of time crafting a parenting plan a few years ago, there is a good chance that it will need to be tweaked occasionally. The younger your kids were when you and their other parent first separated, the sooner this is likely to come up. Fortunately, parents who did spend a lot of time on their parenting plan are likely to be able to work together to make necessary changes. A thorough plan should also state that you will go to mediation if you are not able to reach an agreement about what changes are appropriate. If you find yourselves in gridlock, don’t wait until the start of school is imminent. Call your mediator, or choose a new mediator together if necessary, and schedule a session as soon as possible.
Parenting Tweaks and Tools
Sometimes parents are just concerned that things have gotten lax over the summer. Perhaps your co-parent has become sloppy with drop-off and pick-up times. Maybe they have taken liberties with their own vacation schedule, making changes at the last minute. For other parents, there are real roadblocks ahead that could prevent a formerly well-run plan from moving forward smoothly. Elementary schools may start later or earlier than middle school or high school. The school year might start and end at a different time. Vacation periods may differ as well. Sometimes this means that a parent may no longer be available for the same tasks. If you have to be at your desk at 8:30 a.m., for example, a school start time of 8:00 might have worked just fine, but a start time of 8:30 or 9:00 will not.
Cost-sharing can also look very different over time. You may have been fine with taking your kids shopping for back-to-school clothes when they were little. As they have grown and prices have ballooned, however, those backpacks, calculators and designer sneakers might now be unmanageably expensive. Or maybe it is less the prices than the time involved. Prehaps you have always done all the shopping, but now you have a more time-consuming job and need help.
A pretty universal issue is that as children grow, schedules get more complicated. Kids often change or increase extracurricular activities. High school kids might even want to get an after-school job. An online parenting calendar with an app like Our Family Wizard or Cozi can be a valuable tool to keep everyone on the same page. As long as your kids are old enough to read, they can use this too.
Serious Disagreements
More serious issues include disagreements about whether a child should attend public school or private school. Another common area of friction is the ability to pay for tuition or major expenses. If you are arguing about something serious like this, get help as soon as you find yourselves at an impasse. Mediation is a good first step and will generally be the most time and cost efficient way to solve problems. If you cannot reach an agreement out of court, you can file a petition in court. The expense of going to court, however, is generally justified only when large amounts of money are at stake or the differences between educational settings are extreme. Before taking this kind of step, consider getting expert help. Consulting a child development expert together may help you reach an agreement. Experts can alao attend mediation sessions if necessary.
Courts consider a child’s best interests when making educational decisions. They also evaluate each parent’s ability to pay. A judge will weigh the benefits of a more expensive option against the quality of less expensive alternatives. Important factors include the child’s prior educational setting and any special needs or special talents a child might have. A court may find that a private school is the best option or might decide that the child’s needs can be met by something like private tutoring or supplementary assistive technology. A court that finds that the parents, between them, have the ability to pay for the private school or supplemental assistance will usually order them to split expenses according to their respective incomes.
If you would like to discuss using mediation to create or modify your parenting plan, contact one of our trained mediators today.
Convincing Your Spouse to Try Mediation
Throughout our series on using mediation to avoid divorce court backlogs, we have done a deep dive into many topics. These have included the differences between litigation and mediation; how the mediation process works; and exactly what it takes to be successful in divorce mediation. There is another topic, however, that does not concern the process itself but is nevertheless critical to success. What if you have read all about the mediation process and you are ready to try it, but your spouse is not interested? If this is where you find yourself, the following information may be of help. Read more
Using Experts in Mediation
In our last post we talked about complex cases in divorce mediation. Today we will discuss using experts in mediation. You can generally use the same types of experts in mediation as in litigation, but there are often ways to make the process more efficient and cost-effective. Read more
Mediating Complex Divorce Cases
In our last post we discussed how most divorcing couples can use mediation successfully. Sometimes though, even spouses who are otherwise well-suited to the process think that their case is too complex. The reality is that complexity is rarely a reason to avoid mediation. In fact, the opposite is often true. Read more
What Does it Take to Succeed in Divorce Mediation?
In our last post we talked about how to wrap up a court case after reaching an agreement in mediation. Today we will look at which divorcing couples can use mediation successfully and which couples should think twice before choosing the process. Read more
How to Conclude a Divorce after Mediation
Many people are uncertain about how to wrap up their divorce after going through the mediation process. Couples who go to mediation can often avoid ever appearing in court. They still, however, must complete all of the basic paperwork required to legally finalize a divorce. Today we will walk through the steps of concluding a New Jersey divorce after mediation.
In our last post, we talked about the Memorandum of Understanding (MOU). This is a document that includes all the agreements you reach in mediation. The MOU forms the outline for your final Marital Settlement Agreement (MSA).
Marital Settlement Agreements
Most couples who are ready to finalize their divorce ask the consulting attorney for one of the spouses to put their MOU into the form of a Marital Settlement Agreement (MSA). The attorney for the other spouse then reviews the MSA to ensure that it complies with the MOU and contains all necessary legal clauses. Both parties must then sign the MSA, have it notarized, and file it in court. The court will review the MSA and turn it into a consent order controlling the outcome of your divorce. Court review at this stage is superficial. You must be certain that your MSA includes everything you need it to include before submitting it to the court.
If neither of you has filed for divorce yet, either before or during mediation, you can submit your paperwork and your MSA to the court at the same time and request an uncontested divorce. You will also need to file whatever other documents the court requires to conclude the case, such as a proposed final divorce judgment.
Divorce on the Papers
At one point, concluding a New Jersey divorce required a brief court appearance where the parties would answer some basic questions in person before the judge. In most cases of uncontested divorce, this is no longer the case. Judges in some counties have been granting final divorces without court appearances (known as a divorce on the papers) for several years. The courts extended this policy in 2020 due to the court closures that occurred during the pandemic. This expansion generally remains in place. Currently, parties can obtain a New Jersey divorce or dissolution of a marriage, civil union, or domestic partnership, or an annulment, without a court appearance where there are no additional requests for relief or outstanding issues for the court to resolve and either of the following circumstances exists:
A no-appearance divorce is not automatic. You must request it in writing. After you submit your paperwork, court staff will review it and notify you of anything that is incorrect or incomplete. You will have 10 days to make corrections. If you do not meet that timeframe, the court will schedule a hearing.
Judgment of Divorce
Once your paperwork is in order, court staff will send it to a judge within 5 days. The judge will review it, and if it is satisfactory will issue a judgment of divorce or dissolution. The court will mail the judgment to the plaintiff or the plaintiff’s attorney who will then serve it on the defendant or the defendant’s attorney.
This is just a general outline of the procedure. Be sure to check with your attorney or the court to be sure that you have complied with all requirements. A no appearance divorce can help make the mediation process smooth and easy.
Next month we will talk about who can use mediation successfully and who should think twice about choosing the process. Meanwhile, if you want to know more about any aspect of mediation, or if you are ready to start mediation, contact one of our experienced mediators today.
How Does the New Jersey Divorce Mediation Process Work?
Happy holidays! To our readers who are embarking on a divorce, or who are in the middle of the divorce storm, we wish you joy and peace this season. We hope that you have gotten some valuable information over the past few months from our series on using mediation to avoid divorce court backlogs.
We will be continuing this series today and into the new year. Last month we reviewed the basic divorce mediation process. Today, we are providing more details about the process, including information about caucuses, ground rules and confidentiality. Read more
The Divorce Mediation Process Step by Step
Happy November! In this season of giving thanks, we can be grateful that the divorce mediation process is now available and accessible for so many people going through divorce. Divorce is never fun and is often one of the most difficult experiences of a person’s life. Facing litigation only makes things worse. Fortunately, mediation can help people avoid litigation. While not every divorcing couple can take advantage of mediation, most can. Read more
Issues to Address in Private Mediation
Divorcing couples sometimes wonder what kind of issues they can address in private mediation. The answer is that mediation is appropriate for any issue that you need to resolve to complete your divorce. Most couples start private mediation either before filing divorce papers or soon afterward, and most intend to resolve their entire case through mediation. Those who succeed can write up a marital settlement agreement and wrap up their divorce quickly. Those who come out of mediation with unresolved issues can take those issues to court. Read more
Court-ordered Mediation vs. Private Mediation
Welcome to another installment of our series on using mediation to avoid divorce court backlogs. Today we will discuss the differences between court-ordered mediation and private mediation.
Private mediation and court-ordered mediation have many similarities. Both processes help people resolve disputes in an informal and non-adversarial environment. In both cases, spouses typically attend mediation sessions together and negotiate with the help of a mediator. A divorce mediator is often an attorney. When acting as a mediator, however, the attorney is a neutral facilitator and does not represent either party or offer legal advice. The mediator will not make decisions for you but will help you communicate with each other and ensure that you stay on track. Read more