Posts

Marriage Counseling and Divorce Mediation

Over the past few months, we have been following the stories of three couples considering divorce mediation. Two of them, Gerry and Beth and Katherine and Julian, decided that they wanted to pursue marriage counseling first. Today we are taking a closer look at marriage counseling. When is it appropriate? How is it different from mediation? Is there such a thing as “divorce counseling?” Many people find themselves confused by a variety of options that all sound somewhat similar. Read more

Tailoring Mediation: Gerry and Beth

Today we will follow one more couple as they consider using the divorce mediation process. As we learned in our introductory post to this series, Gerry and Beth have been married for 35 years and have three grown children. Read more

Tailoring Mediation: Eva and Eric Address Parenting Issues

Today we are continuing to follow Eric and Eva as they focus on using divorce mediation to address parenting issues. As we learned in our introductory post, 40-year-old Eric and 43-year-old Eva have been married for 15 years. They have two children, Chris, who is 10, and Laura, who is 12. For the time being, Eva is remaining in the family home, while Eric is moving into a nearby rented townhouse. Read more

Tailoring Mediation: Eva and Eric

In our last few posts we have been following three couples attempting to tailor divorce mediation to their own specific needs. Today we are looking at Eric and Eva, a couple in their early forties who have been married for 15 years and have two young children, ages 10 and 12.

In our introductory post, we learned that Eva blames Eric for the breakdown of the marriage. She describes him as a “workaholic” who has long been disconnected from the family. Eric does not contradict this, but says he now wants things to change. He is seeking not just joint legal custody of the children, but also 50/50 shared physical custody. This makes little sense to Eva, who observes that by his own admission, he has never spent much time with the children. She thinks joint legal custody is fair, but does not see shared physical custody as a realistic option. Eric, however, is adamant about this. Read more

Tailoring Mediation: Katherine and Julian

divorce mediation tipsOver the next few months, we will follow three couples attempting to mold divorce mediation to their own specific needs. First, we’ll look at Katherine and Julian, both 33 years old, and married for 6 years with no children. When we met this couple in our last post, their marriage had broken down, at least in part due to an affair Katherine had recently revealed to Julian. She insisted that the affair was over and that she wanted to try to save their marriage. Julian, however, was not receptive. He felt hurt, and angry, and wanted only to move on to divorce.

As we saw in our initial post, if this couple proceeds to divorce, they will have significant economic issues to resolve. In our next post, we’ll examine these issues and discuss ways they might be resolved through mediation. Today, however, we are going to consider a more threshold question: Are Julian and Katherine good candidates for mediation? Read more

Parenting Mediation: Five Tips for Success

baby with parents fingerParenting Mediation for Custody and Visitation Disputes

For many parents, making decisions about child custody and parenting can be the toughest part of a separation or divorce. Some divorcing parents also have to deal with multiple financial issues, such as spousal support or division of marital property. Others can resolve such matters fairly simply. Parents who have never been married generally have the easiest time separating financially. Regardless of these differences, however, the emotional aspects of physically dividing a family into two can be devastating. Parenting mediation can be a great forum for parents to air concerns and resolve anxieties while working together to build a successful post-relationship parenting plan. Read more

How to Address Power Imbalances in Divorce Mediation

Hand with dollar banknote
In our two most recent posts, we addressed certain safeguards that may improve mediation’s effectiveness when there is a higher than average level of conflict between participants, including considering a structured mediation process, and taking advantage of pre-mediation coaching. Today we will look at another common aspect of high-conflict divorce mediation: the existence of “power imbalances.” How do power imbalances tend to show up in divorce mediation, and what can mediation participants expect from a mediator in terms of safeguarding against the possibility that a power imbalance might sabotage a potentially successful mediation? Read more

Could You Benefit from Pre-Mediation Coaching?

ground-rules.jpgIn our most recent post, we discussed how some divorcing couples might want to take advantage of a more structured mediation process. We mentioned pre-mediation coaching as one aspect of such a process. So what exactly is pre-mediation coaching, who offers it, and who might possibly benefit from it?

What is Pre-Mediation Coaching?

In pre-mediation coaching, a prospective mediation participant meets with the mediator or another professional to prepare for the mediation. The main goals of the preparation are alleviating anxiety regarding the mediation process, rehearsing good communication techniques, and building comfort with the idea of formulating proposals and counter-proposals. Role-playing with a coach can help the participant prepare for issues that may arise during the mediation and practice skills that will help the participant stay on track. These skills include not taking the other party’s positions personally, slowing down and responding logically, and maintaining a focus on the facts and issues at hand. Read more

Choosing Mediation in a High-Conflict Divorce

Frayed Rope about to BreakHave you been considering divorce mediation for a while, but you just aren’t convinced that you and your difficult soon-to-be-ex would make good candidates? Attorneys and judges don’t always recommend mediation for couples who have experienced high levels of relationship conflict. There is a risk that one or both spouses will not approach the process with a collaborative attitude, and will instead refuse to compromise on anything, or worse, will just use the mediation sessions to vent anger and frustration. Read more

Divorce Mediation up Close and Personal – Derek and Stacey, Part III

DivorceIn our first installment we discussed the events leading up to Derek and Stacey’s decision to participate in divorce mediation. In the second installment, we looked in on their first session. Now let’s see how things are working out for them during session number two. Read more