One of the first things you may hear as a couple interested in divorce mediation is that the process offers “win-win” solutions. Many people find this description confusing. What is a win-win solution? How can we possibly both win when our interests are so divergent? We both want the house, we both want custody of the kids, one of us wants alimony and the other doesn’t want to pay it… Clearly someone has to lose! Read more
Today we are continuing to follow Eric and Eva as they focus on using divorce mediation to address parenting issues. As we learned in our introductory post, 40-year-old Eric and 43-year-old Eva have been married for 15 years. They have two children, Chris, who is 10, and Laura, who is 12. For the time being, Eva is remaining in the family home, while Eric is moving into a nearby rented townhouse. Read more
In our last few posts we have been following three couples attempting to tailor divorce mediation to their own specific needs. Today we are looking at Eric and Eva, a couple in their early forties who have been married for 15 years and have two young children, ages 10 and 12.
In our introductory post, we learned that Eva blames Eric for the breakdown of the marriage. She describes him as a “workaholic” who has long been disconnected from the family. Eric does not contradict this, but says he now wants things to change. He is seeking not just joint legal custody of the children, but also 50/50 shared physical custody. This makes little sense to Eva, who observes that by his own admission, he has never spent much time with the children. She thinks joint legal custody is fair, but does not see shared physical custody as a realistic option. Eric, however, is adamant about this. Read more
Today we are going to look at some ways to resolve financial issues in divorce mediation. We met Katherine and Julian in our two previous posts. They are both 33, have no children, and have been married for six years. As we learned last month, they decided to go through marriage counseling to address emotional problems before making a final decision to divorce. If they do divorce, the next question will be whether or not they can use mediation effectively. Read more
Mediation can be highly effective for resolving issues in divorce, and it’s also a great option for addressing post-divorce issues. Fortunately, couples who use mediation to negotiate Marital Settlement Agreements (MSA’s) tend to have few post-divorce disagreements. Those who receive orders after contentious court procedures may be more likely to continue to fight over those orders. Whether you originally participated in divorce mediation or not, however, you are free to go to a mediator to resolve any post-divorce disagreements. Such disagreements tend to concern isolated matters which can be resolved in one or two mediation sessions, presenting a much cheaper and less stressful alternative to court. Read more
In our two most recent posts, we addressed certain safeguards that may improve mediation’s effectiveness when there is a higher than average level of conflict between participants, including considering a structured mediation process, and taking advantage of pre-mediation coaching. Today we will look at another common aspect of high-conflict divorce mediation: the existence of “power imbalances.” How do power imbalances tend to show up in divorce mediation, and what can mediation participants expect from a mediator in terms of safeguarding against the possibility that a power imbalance might sabotage a potentially successful mediation? Read more
When we last saw Derek and Stacey, in Part VII of “Up Close and Personal” they were wrapping up their third mediation session. They had made great progress working out their property division and deciding how to handle child custody, but they still needed to deal with child support, and possibly alimony. Read more
You hired a family law mediator and set the first meeting date. Now what? Here are five ways to make sure mediation sessions fulfill their purpose of helping you and your spouse arrive at divorce settlement terms both of you consider fair and equitable. Trying to resolve your divorce with a minimum wrangling and discord? Here’s how to make the divorce mediation process work for you: Read more
Negotiating with a soon-to-be-ex can be enormously challenging. You could be facing decisions that will have a long-term impact on many aspects of your life. Add to this the fact that divorcing spouses often share history that includes rough emotional terrain, and the whole idea can start to feel like too much to handle. If you need motivation to persevere, remember that unless you and your spouse can resolve your differences amicably, you will eventually find yourselves in front of a judge—letting a stranger make decisions for you that will not necessarily be any better than the decisions you could reach on your own with a bit of concerted effort. Read more
Don't go into your divorce or family law matter defenseless
