In our last post, we discussed what to look for when choosing a mediator, including the mediator’s education and professional background. We also touched upon the fact that mediators have different personal styles, and that personal fit can be as important as other qualifications. Beyond personal fit, however, there are three distinct approaches that mediators follow. These are “facilitative,” “evaluative” and “transformative.” Today we will look at each of these mediator styles a little more closely.

Facilitative Mediation

Most family mediators use a “facilitative” approach. This means that they facilitate discussion between the participants but are otherwise mostly hands-off. Facilitative mediators provide legal information, but they do not offer legal opinions. Rather than focusing on what might happen in a courtroom, they encourage divorcing spouses to come up with creative solutions to maximize positive outcomes for both parties. One of the great strengths of divorce mediation is that it provides this opportunity for participants to “brainstorm” options that may not be available in court.

A facilitative style can offer great benefits to participants. For this approach to be most successful, however, both parties must come to the negotiating table with a collaborative spirit. If one party insists on dominating discussions or refuses to agree to anything that does not benefit them, it will be difficult to make progress.

Evaluative Mediation

A less common approach to divorce mediation is the “evaluative” style. An evaluative approach focuses more on potential legal outcomes and helps parties understand what might happen if they leave mediation and head to court. Judges and attorney panels often use this style in settlement conferences. There are some situations where an evaluative approach might be more useful in mediation than the usual facilitative approach. This includes cases where levels of conflict are high enough to cause gridlock, preventing the parties from agreeing on anything. It also includes cases where power imbalances between spouses are so extreme that a fair resolution through negotiation is unlikely.

A power imbalance is any dynamic that gives one party an advantage in negotiations. Some power imbalances are obvious, but others only become apparent over time. Financial disparity is a common power imbalance in divorce. If one spouse has more assets and/or earning power than the other, then the wealthier spouse does not have to worry as much about how to pay a lawyer or how to be self-supporting after the divorce.

Less obvious power imbalances include things like one spouse having a domineering personality, a personality disorder, or an addiction. When one of these conditions is present, especially in an extreme form, it can become almost impossible to negotiate. Narcissistic personality disorder, for example, leads to inherently unreasonable and manipulative behavior. Narcissists are more likely to engage in things like hiding assets, stalling, failing to provide financial information, playing games with child support or spousal support, or making threats. Addiction can lead to impaired judgment and erratic behavior. It makes clear communication difficult and undermines the ability of an addicted spouse to negotiate effectively. It also often leads to financial problems, and, in cases involving children, safety concerns that cannot be negotiated.

Transformative Mediation

Occasionally, you might hear a mediator describe their approach as “transformative.” Transformative mediators focus on helping divorcing spouses maintain or improve their personal relationship with each other going forward. This includes improving communication and helping each party understand the other’s perspective. Transformative mediators work with the parties to address the deeper emotional needs and interests that have driven conflict between them. This focus can shift the dynamic of their relationship from adversarial to collaborative.

Many divorcing spouses are not interested in having a relationship with their ex-spouse going forward. There are some situations, however, where a positive future relationship can be very valuable. The most common and obvious of these is where the couple will continue to co-parent their children together.

When considering mediators for divorce, make sure that the mediator’s approach will be a good fit for both you and your spouse. If your mediator says that they are “facilitative” and you believe that you will be facing high conflict or dealing with a power imbalance, ask your attorney if an “evaluative” approach might fit better in your case. If you are interested in improving your relationship with your spouse, you can ask about transformative mediation.

Whether you are ready to start mediation, or you simply need to know more about mediator styles, contact one of our experienced and compassionate mediators today.